I am not a perfect husband. In fact, I’ve been pretty disgraceful in the past. There could be some people out there today who would be shocked that a guy like me is daring to write a blog on being a Christian, being a Dad, and being a Husband.
My wife isn’t perfect either, but she is amazing! She is the most forgiving, patient, graceful, and strong person I know. Although I brought my wife to faith, when we started dating as teenagers, her faith is immensely more strong yet humble than mine. I am a lucky guy, but I do acknowledge that I need to constantly work at being a husband.
There have been many points in our relationship where she has amazed me. One particular point was when I sat next to her as she gave birth. I remember her being so tired, so exhausted, yet this was the point she needed to push harder than ever. I remember thinking, please let me take over, let her rest a bit. There was no time for rest, there was no possibility anyone else could do it for her. It was at that moment I realised there has never been a point in my life where I couldn’t quit, take a break, or cheat. My wife had no such option.
It was all rosy from that moment onwards. No way!
Sadly, I went on to make some huge mistakes in marriage. The only saving grace is I can honestly say is I’ve never hurt her physically, but that’s a small and insignificant boast. I’ve done things which have resulted in us needing marriage counselling, a renewal of vows, and a total rebuild of trust.
But like with any other aspect of the Christian life, it is more about depending on forgiveness and mercy rather than ability and strength. I am so glad that my wife’s faith is of such a maturity that she is able encapsulate some of the immense forgiveness and mercy of God. Thanks to her we have been able to rebuild our marriage to a much stronger position.
What did we learn from the bible about marriage? There have been loads of passages we have both poured over as we have sought God’s guidance on our marriage, but two still stick out today.
Proverbs 31, 10-31: This could be somewhat of a controversial passage in the contemporary world. However, my own wife said most good wives and mothers are probably already doing a lot of that, and remember, it’s not about perfection, because of Jesus, it’s about imperfect people relying on the perfection of God’s love shown to us through Jesus.
Verse 21 stood out for us though: “She in not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.” Why would the scriptures care about something as vain as the particular clothing of a woman. Some versions talks about being double clothed. In other words, this verse is not so much about dressing nice, but being prepared for cold days. My archdeacon also pointed out that the colour of the clothing is significant. Scarlet is associated with being a royal colour. In other words, your wife is as good as your Queen. When there is not only a deep love, but also a deep reverence, trust, loyalty, and respect between a couple, when the winter comes, you will be prepared. A good marriage does not equal a perfect life. There will be rubbish moments, there will be significant testing, there will be moments of anger, resent, frustration, and grass may well appear to be greener on other side. But if your wife is your Queen, you will be prepared to weather that winter.
My wife was not my Queen, and so our marriage nearly died during the bitter winter. Since I have put my wife as my Queen, our marriage is better.
The other passage which hit us both is from Genesis 1, 27: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” This is such an often repeated passage that I must have read over 1000 times without appreciating the full value. We both wondered why this had come up in a study for married couples. Assuming it might being making a point about same sex marriages? Why would they feel the need to do that? The more we went through it, the more we focused on the word ‘image’. I think, whenever I’ve read that in the past, I’ve just assumed it meant that we bear some form of physical likeness to God. That our image is perhaps a resemblance of something He looks like.
However, we have come to see this more about the significance of God rather than what He looks like. When God created humankind, he gave us something of His significance. There is not a single person on this planet who is not hugely significant to God. There is not a single person for whom the death and salvation of His own Son is not beneficial. If that is true for every individual, then that is true for every parent, every married couple. What we do with our lives is hugely significant. That is why we need to walk in the paths of Jesus, for we do not know where we are going; follow Jesus.
If you are a married guy, never assume your marriage is solid and that winter will never come. It will. Never assume your marriage will be perfect and will no longer require effort, hard work, and commitment. It does.
But your marriage matters to God. It’s part of His plan and is hugely significant to His created order. We will fail at this task, but Jesus has died for your marriage. Jesus could have given up on the cross, but he completed the task and redeemed us all. You may, like me, have made some huge mistakes, but no truly repentant person is beyond the redeeming salvation of Jesus. Work at it, it can be redeemed.
Thank you, my love.