I’ve been interested in nature and especially birdwatching for a while now. About 15 years ago I was walking Bute Park in Cardiff when I saw a green woodpecker. I had no idea what I saw, nor that it was quite special. At college a friend of mine, who was a birdwatcher, was saying that he was trying to find a green woodpecker which he heard was flying around Bute Park. I told him I think I saw that the other day. He was amazed. We went looking for it together and there was born a life-long love of ornithology.
As my interests have grown, so has my interest in photography. I love nature. It helps me prayerfully, and therefore everything else falls into place. For me, nature is a place I feel close to God. As I understand more about nature and science of nature, the more I understand about God’s creation and our vocation to be stewards of the earth.
But why photography? There have been so many times I’ve wanted to capture a beautiful moment caught in nature. Like a musician taking to manuscript, or a poet picking up a pen, or an artist picking up a brush, so is a nature lover with a camera. I thought I’d be fine with my phone camera. Phone cameras are so advance these days, but fiddly. The amount of times there’s been a perfect shot with some great crested grebes or a woodpecker at a feeder in my garden and I’ve gone for my phone, only to have to enter my password, open my camera app, cancel my push notifications and then find the bird has moved or flown off.
I’ve never taken photography seriously before, and have no idea what I’m doing. So I’ve gone with a Canon DSLR 2000D. I bet there are loads who have told me I’ve made the wrong choice, but money and availability wise, I feel this is a good entry level camera. I’ve ordered a 75-300mm lens, which I’ve been told is also a good beginner lens for nature and wildlife photography.
I’ve had a go with it so far, taking pictures of family and trying with some wildlife. I wish wildlife would stay still!
I am not a perfect husband. In fact, I’ve been pretty disgraceful in the past. There could be some people out there today who would be shocked that a guy like me is daring to write a blog on being a Christian, being a Dad, and being a Husband.
My wife isn’t perfect either, but she is amazing! She is the most forgiving, patient, graceful, and strong person I know. Although I brought my wife to faith, when we started dating as teenagers, her faith is immensely more strong yet humble than mine. I am a lucky guy, but I do acknowledge that I need to constantly work at being a husband.
There have been many points in our relationship where she has amazed me. One particular point was when I sat next to her as she gave birth. I remember her being so tired, so exhausted, yet this was the point she needed to push harder than ever. I remember thinking, please let me take over, let her rest a bit. There was no time for rest, there was no possibility anyone else could do it for her. It was at that moment I realised there has never been a point in my life where I couldn’t quit, take a break, or cheat. My wife had no such option.
It was all rosy from that moment onwards. No way!
Sadly, I went on to make some huge mistakes in marriage. The only saving grace is I can honestly say is I’ve never hurt her physically, but that’s a small and insignificant boast. I’ve done things which have resulted in us needing marriage counselling, a renewal of vows, and a total rebuild of trust.
But like with any other aspect of the Christian life, it is more about depending on forgiveness and mercy rather than ability and strength. I am so glad that my wife’s faith is of such a maturity that she is able encapsulate some of the immense forgiveness and mercy of God. Thanks to her we have been able to rebuild our marriage to a much stronger position.
What did we learn from the bible about marriage? There have been loads of passages we have both poured over as we have sought God’s guidance on our marriage, but two still stick out today.
Proverbs 31, 10-31: This could be somewhat of a controversial passage in the contemporary world. However, my own wife said most good wives and mothers are probably already doing a lot of that, and remember, it’s not about perfection, because of Jesus, it’s about imperfect people relying on the perfection of God’s love shown to us through Jesus.
Verse 21 stood out for us though: “She in not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet.” Why would the scriptures care about something as vain as the particular clothing of a woman. Some versions talks about being double clothed. In other words, this verse is not so much about dressing nice, but being prepared for cold days. My archdeacon also pointed out that the colour of the clothing is significant. Scarlet is associated with being a royal colour. In other words, your wife is as good as your Queen. When there is not only a deep love, but also a deep reverence, trust, loyalty, and respect between a couple, when the winter comes, you will be prepared. A good marriage does not equal a perfect life. There will be rubbish moments, there will be significant testing, there will be moments of anger, resent, frustration, and grass may well appear to be greener on other side. But if your wife is your Queen, you will be prepared to weather that winter.
My wife was not my Queen, and so our marriage nearly died during the bitter winter. Since I have put my wife as my Queen, our marriage is better.
The other passage which hit us both is from Genesis 1, 27: “So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” This is such an often repeated passage that I must have read over 1000 times without appreciating the full value. We both wondered why this had come up in a study for married couples. Assuming it might being making a point about same sex marriages? Why would they feel the need to do that? The more we went through it, the more we focused on the word ‘image’. I think, whenever I’ve read that in the past, I’ve just assumed it meant that we bear some form of physical likeness to God. That our image is perhaps a resemblance of something He looks like.
However, we have come to see this more about the significance of God rather than what He looks like. When God created humankind, he gave us something of His significance. There is not a single person on this planet who is not hugely significant to God. There is not a single person for whom the death and salvation of His own Son is not beneficial. If that is true for every individual, then that is true for every parent, every married couple. What we do with our lives is hugely significant. That is why we need to walk in the paths of Jesus, for we do not know where we are going; follow Jesus.
If you are a married guy, never assume your marriage is solid and that winter will never come. It will. Never assume your marriage will be perfect and will no longer require effort, hard work, and commitment. It does.
But your marriage matters to God. It’s part of His plan and is hugely significant to His created order. We will fail at this task, but Jesus has died for your marriage. Jesus could have given up on the cross, but he completed the task and redeemed us all. You may, like me, have made some huge mistakes, but no truly repentant person is beyond the redeeming salvation of Jesus. Work at it, it can be redeemed.
Being a Dad is probably the most difficult and rewarding things to do in life. There is, of course, no one right way to do it, either.
My wife and I struggled immensely to conceive. It was an incredibly painful time for us both. I remember always getting a little teary when the reading from Genesis 26 was read in church (God promising Abraham his offspring would number the stars of the heaven). It also seemed as though as all our friends were popping them out like smarties.
My wife and I went through scans, checks, and tests to ascertain why we weren’t conceiving, but there was no obvious answer. These checks seemed to take an eternity in between waiting for appointments, results, and analysis to the point where one doctor just admitted that it might not be something we will be able to do.
What can someone do in the meantime? I prayed so hard. I remember trying all sorts, from pretending to spiritually mature about it and just accepting God’s will on the matter, to being angry with God, to attempting to make deals with God: “I promise I’ll bring them up as a good sound Christian if you would just trust me”. As though God could be bargained with. These are all stages of mourning and perhaps I was beginning the process of mourning the loss of the vision of becoming a Dad.
I wouldn’t say we have up on the idea, but we were getting over the fact that it wasn’t going to be easy and this was going to be a long process. I know my wife and I were still looking to conceive naturally because we hadn’t gone down the adoption route by this point.
One day, it happened! Quite unexpectantly and out of the blue, my wife came from upstairs with a positive pregnancy test in her hand. We immediately went out to purchase about five or six more. I couldn’t believe God had been so kind. It is so often the case that we pray so hard for things in the hope that God will answer them, like some sort of divine Santa Clause, but when he actually does, we can’t believe it.
I still analyse to this day what God was doing in those years of waiting. But although I went through stages of pleading, anger, bargaining with Him, He was there. You can’t argue with someone who isn’t there, you can’t plead with someone who isn’t there, nor can you bargain with them. He was there throughout it.
I don’t know if this was His intention, but I certainly have a kindness and compassion for those who cannot conceive. It has always guided my planning and preparation for services such as Mothering Sunday and Father’s Day. An acknowledgement that these may not be joyful and pain-free days for some.
Most of all it has awakened me to realise what a precious vocation parenting is from God. We are increasingly living in a ‘nanny-state’ society, where many parents expect someone or something else to bring up our children. Leaving huge lessons and experiences in the hands of our schools or the media.
Now I am a father of four, I realise more importantly than ever the significant role I play in the upbringing of my children. I get annoyed sometimes when I see that the first twenty minutes of my children’s school day is spent brushing their teeth. Or when I was Head of Governors at a primary school, huge chunks of governors meetings were spent on the appropriate curriculum for teaching children about relationships and sex.
I am my children’s father and together wife my amazing wife, we will send our children to school in clean clothes and brushed teeth, with breakfast in their bellies, and we will teach them about values, character, ethics, morals. We don’t rely on the school to do that for us. I realise not every family is in the same, privileged boat, hence the need for it. It is not my intention to judge.
However, when we are given the gift of children (through birth, adoption, fostering, or otherwise), we are given an immense and profound vocation from God. We need His strength and His grace to get us through.
I remember being told in some counselling I received once, that hardest thing we need to come to terms with in life is that our parents were not perfect, and that the hardest thing we have to come to terms with as parents is that we will not be perfect. But isn’t that the whole discovery of self in our Christian faith? The discovery that we are not perfect and therefore rely entirely on the saving, loving, and merciful grace of God.
No one is a perfect parent. Thanks God He didn’t require that when He gives the vocation of parenthood. We don’t need to rely on our perfection, we need to rely on His perfection.
My Christian journey cannot be marked by a massive, cataclysmic moment. Instead, it has been a journey of staged developments. I often like to say, less of a Paul and more of a Nicodemus.
Nicodemus has always been an interesting character to me. Someone who perhaps isn’t convinced by Jesus at first, but keeps coming back. I am amazed how Jesus is willing to let him go away with his half understand, his partial faith, in the confidence that he will be back for more!
We first encounter Nicodemus in John chapter three. Almost immediately, in verse two, Nicodemus is portrayed as someone who could be a problem to Jesus. He is a Pharisee (we know they are problematic) and he comes by night. The night-time gives the illusion of something sinister, something he wouldn’t be willing to do in broad daylight, in front of others. However, this interaction delves deeply into the very nature of salvation and how Jesus’ disciples and future disciples will one day find it. Nicodemus struggles with this. We don’t know for sure what happened to him; John merely writes, ‘after this’ and then moves onto Jesus’ baptism. However, in chapter 7, Nicodemus is mentioned again. John describes him as being the one who went to see him before (chapter 3) and who was “one of them”. I am so interested in this. Was one of the Pharisees still? Or one of Jesus’ followers? Or both? Either way, we see a deepening of Nicodemus here as he is no longer operating under the shadow of night, he is now willing to stand up for Jesus and begin taking the risk of being associated with him. Then, in chapter nineteen, Nicodemus seems to have undergone a major transformation as he is accompanying Joseph of Arimathea in preparing Jesus’ body for burial. This is a tremendous risk. Being associated with Jesus at this point could have been a death sentence. It was a risk many of His direct disciples were no willing to take. Somehow, along this journey throughout John’s gospel, we see a man not totally convinced at first, slowly coming to faith, and showing signs of a deeper working of God’s grace each time we encounter him.
Well!! How does this relate to me?
I was brought up in the church, mainly by my mother. We were involved in church life, singing in the choir and my mother taking positions of office within the church. But perhaps, a key figure at this point, was my childhood Vicar who was on fire with the Holy Spirit and a true inspiration. I was often captivated by his ministry. I grew up knowing stories about God and Jesus, and was familiar with the Bible and worship. Unlike Nicodemus, I wouldn’t say I was ashamed of going to church, nor ashamed of knowing about God. But was perhaps yet to come to an exclamation of faith.
The voice of God
When I was about twelve, our church choir had a new director. He really brought the music of the church to life. The choir excelled and singing became a really important part of my life. It was whilst singing praises and worship to God that I heard the voice of God for the first time. It was very much a voice of, “I am here”. It was my first conversation with Him. For the first time, I knew that everything I had been told about, everything I understood, was true! He is there. He is listening. He exists!
But that was not all. As I entered into my teenage years, like a lot of teenagers, I thought I knew it all! I accepted God was there. I had met and interacted with Him. But surely it was on my terms. It was up to me when and where I needed God and, like a Santa Clause, I could present my wishes to him as and when I needed something. Much of my prayers consisted of, ‘please let me get past this level’ on a computer game, or ‘please let Wales win!’
The Christian Union
Then when I was about fifteen or sixteen, my physics teacher set up a Christian Union in my school. There were only about four or five of us, but he used to prepare amazingly in depth bible sessions. I remember one week getting quite annoyed that all his arguments came from his biblical understanding. But what about feelings? What if the bible makes me feel uncomfortable? I argued that surely the bible is just a book, and it’s how we feel about God that can over-ride scripture?!
As the days went by, I felt a huge sense of unease. I knew what I had said was wrong. But I didn’t understand why or how. It was almost a feeling of guilt. Like a child who had done something wrong and was just waiting for the axe to drop, so too had my relationship become with God.
I went to see my physics teacher a few days later and said, “I think I might be wrong”. His eyes filled with tears and said,”I’d been praying that you would come”. It was then I realised this relationship is totally the other way round. God doesn’t operate on my terms. It’s on His terms. It’s not about my feelings, but about His grace. This turned my life upside down!
I’m here!
The next big part of me journey came much later. I had been selected to train as a minister (perhaps this in a different blog), been to college, and ordained. During college, I fell very much into an Anglo-Catholic tradition of the Anglican Church. I liked the devotion, the tranquility, the drama of the ceremony, and the authority. However, the fascination wore off. I remember once sitting in my study, a parish priest, and praying the rosary. I remember this was the second time I heard God say, “I am here”.
This time it wasn’t so much of a “I exist” calling. More of a “why don’t you just talk to me”. Why go round the houses. Why use all these liturgical toys, why go via God through anyone but Jesus Himself? “Just come and speak to me”. I am not by any means criticising those who do. If it works for you, then go for it. But I realised then I didn’t need that stuff. I became free.
I am a Christian minister, who is trying his best to get fit, loose weight, enjoy the outdoors, and do what I can to be a good and loving parent. All these things can be really tough and I don’t claim to be an expert in any of them. Rather, I am struggling through, trying my best, and relying on the grace of God.
I hope you will find this blog interesting and informative. If you are a Christian, if you love the outdoors, and if you are a parent (especially a Dad), then there will definitely be stuff here you might find interesting.
I have been brought up a Christian, but came to faith through different stages. I’ll write about this in a different blog. I have also struggled with my weight since I was a child. Loosing weight has often been something I have struggled to do. Plus, having children is something which came after a huge struggle and, as any parent will know, has not been easy ever since.
So what I am trying to say is, I know what it is like to find faith, health, and family to be both extremely rewarding, but also extremely difficult things. I am here to share these experiences, which you may find helpful. In a world of social media, where Christians, health fanatics and Dads are sharing fake posts about how perfect and amazing everything it is, it can be difficult and isolating when we know we’re not perfect and not every aspect about our faith, health, and family is perfect.
Please feel free to comment! Share your stories, relate to one another, and by all means, offer me advice too. God said it wasn’t right for man to be alone. We need each other.
